Worried about holiday family tension? You're not alone. Here are some tips for staying sane this holiday season
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"Holiday stress triggers significant changes in both the brain and body, often leaving us feeling physically and emotionally drained." - Liz Hughes, LPCC
"Stress over-activates our amygdala—the area of the brain responsible for fear and emotional reactions—which can make us more prone to negative emotions like anxiety and irritability." - Liz Hughes, LPCC
Almost 90% of adults in the US admit that the holidays are a particularly stressful time of year.[] Even those of us who love the holidays view them as bittersweet, with an exaggerated mix of positive and negative emotions.
Whether your patients are worried about excessive spending, family conflicts, or the loss of loved ones, holiday stress shouldn’t be kept secret. Here’s how and why you should bring this common problem into the light.
This article is part of our Prescribe Yourself a Minute coverage. Explore more.
Why are the holidays so stressful?
According to Liz Hughes, LPCC, of ADHD Advisor, stressful family dynamics aren’t just limited to holiday events. “Usually, tension is already building for months or even years with a given person in the family. When we add in additional pressures like increased shared time together, tight deadlines, travel, increased financial pressure, and struggles with perfectionism, this can lead to a disaster among family members,” she explains.
Breathe Before Visiting with Relatives #breathe #holidays
— Lori Lite (@StressFreeKids) December 11, 2024
Hughes says that holiday celebrations with family require juggling multiple stressors, which can be “dysregulating for those who do not have the proper tools to regulate their nervous systems and negative emotions.”
The American Psychological Association notes various reasons for heightened stress over the holidays, including:[]
Anticipation of family conflicts
Concerns about money
Pressure to uphold traditions
Missing loved ones
Searching for the right gifts
These feelings aren’t limited to those celebrating Christian holidays. Those who observe Jewish and other non-Christian holidays also report greater stress, with some noting concerns about discrimination or feeling left out.
People sometimes unleash these emotions when surrounded by close friends and relatives. “These feelings can become overwhelming, and we may take [them] out on those we feel safest and comfortable with; thus, family members may get the brunt of our stress,” Hughes says.
Why are the holidays so stressful?
“Holiday stress triggers significant changes in both the brain and body, often leaving us feeling physically and emotionally drained,” Hughes shares. “When stress levels rise, our body’s ‘fight-or-flight’ response kicks in. Hormones like cortisol and adrenaline are released, which can temporarily increase heart rate, blood pressure, and muscle tension.”
“Stress over-activates our amygdala—the area of the brain responsible for fear and emotional reactions—which can make us more prone to negative emotions like anxiety and irritability. At the same time, it suppresses the prefrontal cortex, which controls decision-making and emotional regulation, making it harder to think clearly or stay calm. Stress also weakens the immune system, leaving us susceptible to getting sick,” Hughes says.
Research from Sweden suggests that people are more likely to have a heart attack during Christmas than any other time of the year.[]
In the study, patients with myocardial infarction on Christmas reported experiencing more stress than those in the control group who did not have a heart attack and did not seek medical attention on Christmas (37% vs 21%).When comparing people who didn’t have a heart attack versus those who did, the investigators found that stress, worry, and depression were strongly associated with myocardial infarction. Both groups consumed more food and alcohol, but these habits didn’t appear to be as linked to adverse heart events as the emotional toll of the holidays.
How to survive the holidays unscathed
Hughes encourages her patients to stay active during the holiday season. “Physical exercise can be a helpful tool as it increases the production of dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine: neurotransmitters that regulate mood and promote a sense of well-being while lowering cortisol, our body’s primary stress hormone,” she notes.
The Mayo Clinic suggests the following tips for controlling holiday stress: []
Budget: Create a realistic budget and stick to it to avoid the urge to overspend on holiday “deals.”
Focus on similarities: Bond with family members over what you have in common rather than fighting about your differing viewpoints.
Plan: Make a to-do list, stay on top of your calendar, and plan menus, grocery lists, and holiday shopping ahead of time.
Set boundaries: If you’re feeling overwhelmed by too many holiday commitments, be realistic about what you can and can’t participate in.
Hughes also advises her patients to focus on what they can control and avoid striving for perfection. “Exploring internal values can also help us identify the real meaning and goal of gathering over the holidays.” Volunteering to help others, managing expectations, and remembering that the holiday season is temporary are positive ways to cope with negative emotions.[]