Why more men are seeking single fatherhood by choice—and what it means for your practice
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In medical school, in residency, I don't think I received a lot of training on how I should interact with single fathers, in particular, if they're bringing their kids in for wellness visits. Some of it is just being aware of your own cultural bias that comes into play.
—Amanda Kost, MD, family medicine physician
We can start by acknowledging the immense challenges of parenting and praising them for the things they are doing well.
—Lena Claire van der List, DO, pediatrician
Women have long been making the decision to become single mothers. The lack of a partner deemed suitable mixed with the desire to become a parent is just one reason why.
Single fathers by choice are much more rare, but experts say there's been a significant rise in the number of single men who want to have children—seeking opportunities for surrogacy or adoption to help them get there.[]
What's behind the trend?
The rise of single fatherhood by choice has been attributed to shifting cultural norms, rising rates of singlehood, and greater acceptance of diverse family structures—making the idea more accessible and appealing.
For many, the pandemic sharpened priorities and underscored the importance of parenthood, as discussed in a recent piece in The Atlantic.[] Fertility services and surrogacy networks have also become more visible and supportive, giving men the tools to make it possible.
At the same time, men are redefining masculinity—moving beyond the role of provider to embrace nurturing, purpose, and emotional connection. For those who don’t want to wait for the “perfect” partner, becoming a father on their own feels like a way to create meaning, stability, and love in their lives.
Single fathers bring distinct needs to the clinic
But in addition to the struggles they already face in their child-rearing role, single fathers are reporting exacerbated levels of stress when speaking with healthcare providers. []
“I suspect single parents may feel judged by healthcare providers that they are not doing enough, or for missing appointments, when in fact they may already feel like they are giving everything they have to raising their children and maintaining financial security,” Lena Claire van der List, DO, a pediatrician at UC Davis Children’s Hospital, tells MDLinx.
She takes the position that physicians have an important role to play in reducing the stress single dads may encounter when interacting with the healthcare system.
Dr. Van der List suggests physicians can start by acknowledging the immense challenges of parenting and praising them for the things they are doing well. "We can ask if there are any resources that could help make their lives easier, and point them to community resources—food or housing assistance, childcare—that may be helpful in offloading some of the parenting stressors," she says.
Emphasize the importance of their role in their child’s success, and that their presence and engagement in their child’s medical care will play a role in their health outcomes.
—Lena Claire van der List, DO, pediatrician
Meetings dads where they are
Research suggests that when compared with other heads of families, single dads typically use less health and behavioral health services for their children. []
Children of single fathers are also less likely to adhere to medical advice and have the lowest percentage of annual well-child visits with a consistent pediatrician. []
Improving these statistics will come from meeting fathers where they are and recognizing the barriers to getting them into the office, Dr. Van der List explains.
“Is it clinic times that interfere with in-office work hours? If so, then consider evening or weekend clinics to meet this need. Are well checks lower on their priority list or altogether forgotten? Have the office staff set up recurring phone or text reminders for upcoming well care that is due?" Dr. Van der List says. "Allow access to easy tools like electronic messaging of the healthcare provider that will help strengthen the patient/physician relationship while simplifying care."
Lack of training
There can be a lack of physician training on interactions involving single father family dynamics, according to Amanda Kost, MD, a primary care and family physician at the University of Washington.
“In medical school, in residency, I don't think I received a lot of training on how I should interact with single fathers, in particular, if they're bringing their kids in for wellness visits,” she says. “Some of it is just being aware of your own cultural bias that comes into play."
It's good to approach the patient care interaction with humility and wanting to know what their experience is—not assuming that they are not involved in their kids' lives or they don't know what the kids are doing after school.
—Amanda Kost, MD, family medicine physician
Both experts who spoke with MDLinx say there are a number of ways physicians can better support single fathers seeking healthcare for their children. This can include the following:
Being mindful of the type of language used by the office staff when making appointments
Making sure office forms are inclusive of gender
Never making assumptions about who the primary caregiver is
Adjusting communication strategies to align with the needs of the parent and their child
Dr. Van der List asserts there is always room for physicians to hone their skills of working with all family dynamics.
“Supporting all families regardless of their makeup should be a public health priority. We know that children from loving, supportive homes who have fewer adverse childhood experiences have better mental and physical health outcomes,” she says. “As a physician who was raised by a single father after my mother passed away, I can attest to the power of present and engaged fathers in raising strong humans.”
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