'Selfish' with negative patient reviews—The hypocrisy of self-care expectations on full display

Urologist Joseph Acquaye, MD, recently posted on Instagram, igniting an important discussion about maternity leave for physicians. While maternity leave is a struggle for working parents in many fields, physicians face a unique burden—not just from rigid policies, but from patients who expect them to be available at all times.

In many countries, physicians receive months to a year of paid parental leave—such as Sweden (16 months), Japan (up to 12 months), and Germany (up to 14 months). In the U.S., however, many doctors are expected to return to work within weeks. But it’s not just hospital policies pushing them back—it’s also their patients.

One physician shared how quickly patient goodwill disappears: “I’ve been off for maternity leave 4/12 weeks so far and have already had negative patient reviews because of it. So many of my patients were appalled that I was taking more than six weeks off. Hard not to be jaded when people act like they own you.”

This kind of entitlement adds another layer of pressure to an already impossible situation. In most industries, taking leave is an expectation. In medicine, it can feel like a betrayal—not because physicians don’t deserve it, but because patients believe they shouldn’t need it.

The physician as an "essential service"

Patients value continuity of care, and rightly so. But when that expectation turns into frustration or resentment, it puts doctors in an impossible position.

This isn’t just about individual attitudes—it’s a deeply ingrained cultural problem. Physicians are expected to be permanently available because healthcare isn’t just a job; it’s seen as a duty. But even doctors have limits—and the refusal to acknowledge that contributes to burnout, resentment, and emotional exhaustion.

The hypocrisy of self-care expectations

Adding to the frustration is the blatant contradiction in patient expectations.

One doctor who also commented under Dr. Acquaye's post summed it up perfectly: “Ironic how we’re supposed to motivate patients to focus on self-care, and yet we’re not allowed to care for ourselves nor our families.”

This isn’t just about parental leave—it’s part of a larger cultural issue in medicine, where physicians are praised for self-sacrifice but criticized the moment they set personal boundaries.

What needs to change?

Dr. Acquaye’s post serves as a wake-up call. Something needs to change—doctors can't keep going on like this.

Until medicine stops treating physicians as an “essential service” rather than human beings, no policy changes will be enough.

Because physicians shouldn’t have to choose between being a doctor and being a parent.