Ruminating about a work decision? This oncologist gets honest about self-doubt
Industry Buzz
When I was a resident, I’d often drive home in silence and wonder if I’d made the right decisions for my patients that day. If I’d said the right words. If I could’ve done anything differently.
—Laura Vater, MD, oncologist
On a recent Instagram post, oncologist Laura Vater, MD, offered a glimpse into something most doctors experience but rarely talk about: the mental load of patient care.
“When I was a resident, I’d often drive home in silence and wonder if I’d made the right decisions for my patients that day,” she wrote. “If I’d said the right words. If I could’ve done anything differently.”
Even years into her career, Dr. Vater admits those questions don’t stop. “Did I make the right decisions? Was there anything I could’ve done differently?”
For many physicians, this inner dialogue is familiar. The responsibility of caring for patients—often at the intersection of life and death—leaves an imprint long after the hospital lights dim.
While medicine is a privilege, it’s also “hard, complex, emotionally challenging, and often physically demanding,” Dr. Vater said.
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Her post struck a chord, particularly among doctors who’ve felt the weight of these unanswered questions.
"Literally on my first day off post on-calls and all I could think to do this morning was text the team and ask them if they could ping me an update about my patient," commented Natasha Holmes, a pediatric locum tenens doctor.
"Four years out of gen surg residency and I have trouble falling asleep even when I’m not on call," commented Chris Darby, MD.
"I was up at 6 a.m. today wondering if I could email a consultant over the weekend because I was so worried I might have missed something. The ruminating is so real," commented @dr_rainbowbyte.
It’s a reminder that medicine isn’t just about charts, labs, or treatments—it’s about human connection, judgment calls, and the emotional labor that comes with them.
Related: 3 small ways to improve your work-life balance this week